Saw V2: Luba Gibbs: Memoirs of a True Pimptress
by JunKing
Summary: This is dedicated to Meagan Good's character in Saw V, Luba Gibbs. It's a ridiculous humor fic that is random, just like me. Anyways, her name is Luba Gibbs, and this is how she do...
1. The Meeting Chapter

Saw V-2: Luba Gibbs: Memoirs of a True Pimptress: Volume 1: Uncut (Well-Sorta)

A MAN WALKS THROUGH A LONG OFFICE CORRIDOR, A FOLDER IN HIS HAND. THE CAMERA ZOOMS AROUND TO REVEAL HIS FACE. IT IS JOHN. HE STOPS IN FRONT OF A SECRETARY.

John: Hello. I'm here for my appointment with Luba Gibbs. We have a meeting regarding a building permit for my Urban Renewal Group.

Secretary: Yes. Please have a seat.

JOHN SITS DOWN AS THE SECRETARY PAGES LUBA GIBBS, MISTRESS PIMP EXTRORDINARE.

Secretary: Ms. Gibbs?

(THROUGH INTERCOM) Luba: What up?

Secretary:...A Mr....umm hold on.

LOOKS AT JOHN.

Secretary: I'm sorry, what was your name again?

John: It's John Kramer. I come from a strong proud heritage of-

Secretary: Thank you, that's all the information I need.

John: Pssh. Nobody ever wants to hear my story.

THE SECRETARY PRESSES THE BUTTON AGAIN, PAGING LUBA GIBBS, THE ONE AND TRUE PIMP.

Secretary: A Mr. John Kramer is here to see you.

Luba: For what?

Secretary: For...a building permit? What else do we do around here?

Luba: Listen G'. Don't be tryna act like you somethin special. That's why you the bitch at the front desk, pressing buttons and ordering my lattes and shit.

Secretary: ...Yes Ms. Gibbs...I apologize. I don't know what I was thinking.

Luba: Clearly not much. Anyways, send that mo' fuckah in.

JOHN LOOKS ENRAGED, FOLDING HIS ARMS AND TILTING HIS HEAD TO THE SIDE.

Secretary: Uh..Ms. Gibbs...

THE INTERCOM PLAYS STATIC FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AS THOUGH LUBA IS LOOKING FOR THE WORDS TO SAY.

Luba: I'm on speaker...aren't I?

Secretary:..Yes...yes you are Ms. Gibbs.

Luba: Please send that kind gentleman right away.

JOHN RAISES FROM HIS SEAT, APPROACHING THE SECRETARY.

John: Is..this how all the staff are on a daily basis?

Secretary: Oh no Mr. Kramer, Ms. Gibbs just hasn't had her morning coffee yet.

John: Morning coffee? LOOKS AT WATCH. But, it's almost four in the afternoon.

Secretary: My point exactly. Just proceed to the last door on the left.

John: Thank you.

JOHN WALKS DOWN THE HALLWAY, REACHING THE DOOR. HE OPENS IT TO REVEAL A MAN SITTING ON A TOILET BOWL.

Man: Hey!

John: Oh my! I'm sorry! SLAMS DOOR SHUT.

Secretary: Oh my god! I meant the door or YOUR left, sorry about that.

John: It's...quite alright.

JOHN APPROACHES THE DOOR AND HEARS MUSIC BLASTING REALLY LOUD. HE CAN MAKE OUT THE LYRICS, 'CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH A SODA ON THE SIDE.'

John: Who eats chicken noodle soup...with a soda on the side?

THE MUSIC DIES DOWN AND LUBA ANSWERS THE DOOR.

Luba: Hello Mr. Kramer, welcome to my office.

John: Please Miss, you can call me John.

Luba:...Right. Come on in Mr. Kramer.

JOHN STARES HER DOWN FOR A SECOND BEFORE SITTING IN HIS SEAT. RIGHT AWAY, ONE OF THE WHEELS WOBBLES AND THE SEAT NEARLY BREAKS.

Luba: Sorry about that, some of my more heavy set customers like to sit there.

John: That's...nice. I guess.

Luba: Yeah. They just don't know their own strength. Anyways, we spoke on the phone about your Urban Renewal Group. It sounds like a wonderful idea, filled with hope, positivity, and all that other shit.

John: Pardon me?

Luba: Oh nothing. I just love your cause.

John: Oh you do? Finally somebody who wants to hear my story. What in particular do you like about my group?

JOHN EXCITEDLY WAITS FOR A RESPONSE. LUBA STARES INTO THE WALL BEHIND, TRYING TO REMEMBER SOMETHING.

Luba: What was it about again?

JOHN'S JAW DROPS SLOWLY, UNABLE TO BELIEVE THIS WOMAN IS A PROFESSIONAL. THE ROOM GOES SILENT. THE ONLY NOISE COMES FROM THE FISH TANK ON THE WALL IN THE OFFICE, BUBBLES RISING TO THE SURFACE MUCH LIKE JOHN'S ANGER. LUBA, UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE SILENCE, KNOCKS HER GLASS OF WATER OVER ON PURPOSE.

Luba: Whoops, clumsy me. I'd better clean that up.

John: Wait a minute, we must discuss my permit. I need it.

Luba: Straight to the negotiations then are we?

John: Negotiations...?

Luba: Yes.

JOHN SCRATCHES HIS HEAD, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.

John: You'll have to forgive me Miss, I don't quite follow you.

Luba: *cough*money*cough*

John:...what?

Luba: *cough**cough*cash*cough**cough*

John: Are you alright?

Luba:...I'm fine. *cough**cough**cough*Itakebribes*cough**cough**cough*

John: Oh no no no, this simply cannot be the truth. Did you just suggest that I give you a bribe? That's against the law. It's illegal.

Luba: You know what, I'm not feeling too well, I'm feeling a bit sick, I think you should leave before you get it too.

LUBA HURRIES HIM OUT OF HIS SEAT, WHICH WOBBLES AGAIN, PUSHING HIM TOWARDS THE DOOR AS SHE FAKE-COUGHS HYSTERICALLY.

John: But what about my building permit?

Luba: COUGHING THROUGHOUT HER SENTENCE, I'll take a look at it sir, and call you once I make any progress.

John: O-okay. Thanks for your time.

Luba: It's no problem. I'm just trying to help this city be a better place.

LUBA CLOSES THE DOOR AND TAKES HIS APPLICATION TO HER DESK. ON THE DESK IS AN APPLICATION FOR A NEW NAIL SALON. SMIRKING, SHE TAKES JOHN'S FOLDER AND RUNS IT THROUGH THE SHREDDER UNDERNEATH HER DESK. SHE LOOKS AT THE NAIL SALON APPLICATION AND FLIPS THROUGH THE CONTENTS.

Luba: This place is about to be my new joint.

MEANWHILE, JOHN STANDS OUTSIDE LUBA'S DOOR UNSURE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED. SHAKING HIMSELF OUT OF HIS THOUGHTS, HE TURNS AROUND AND IS FACING THE BATHROOM DOOR, WHERE THE MAN WAS. HE THEN HEARS A FART.

CUT TO: OUTSIDE, JOHN WALKS UP TO A CAR WITH A YOUNG WOMAN INSIDE. SHE IS WEARING SUNGLASSES, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT BRIGHT OUT. SHE REMOVES THEM AND THE CAMERA REVEALS IT TO BE AMANDA *CUE AMANDA'S THEME SONG FROM SAW III AS SHE TOSSES HER HAIR AROUND IN SLOW MOTION*

Amanda: So how did it go?

John: SHAKING HIS HEAD, Remind me to test that bitch.


	2. The Blue Tooth Chapter

AFTER A HARD DAY OF 'WORK', LUBA GIBBS IS ON HER WAY OUT OF HER OFFICE. SHE SHUTS OFF HER RADIO AND WALKS OUT, HEADING DOWN THE HALLWAY. MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH HER SECRETARY, LUBA PULLS HER JACKET OFF THE COAT RACK.

Luba: Make sure you have my coffee on time tomorrow morning. I had to drink mine at five in the afternoon, that's ludicrous.

Secretary: I'm very sorry Ms. Gibbs. I will go get it myself next time.

Luba: PUTTING ON HER JACKET, Yeah, that sounds best. Well. Peace. I got shit to do.

LUBA WALKS OUT AND CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HER, RAPPING TO HERSELF QUIETLY AS SHE HEADS TO THE ELEVATOR. INSIDE THE OFFICE, THE SECRETARY IS SIGHING WITH RELIEF.

Secretary: I'm so glad that bitch is gone.

EVERYTHING IS SILENT FOR A FEW SECONDS AS THE SECRETARY EXHALES AND LAUGHS TO HERSELF. SUDDENLY, LOUD FOOTSTEPS CAN BE HEARD APPROACHING THE DOOR. IT IS KICKED OPEN IN SLOW MOTION, REVEALING THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE PIMPTRESS, LUBA GIBBS ON THE OTHER SIDE. SHE APPROACHES THE SECRETARY, ROLLING UP HER SLEEVES.

Luba: Oh I see. So when I be out, you get right to that shit-talk, huh?

Secretary: N-no Ms. Gibbs. I would never talk about you! I'm almost offended by your accusations!

LUBA FLIPS HER WEAVE OVER HER SHOULDER, REVEALING A BLUE TOOTH EARPIECE IN HER EAR.

Luba: Yeah you busted! I had my secret cameras recording your every word, playing it right into my ear when I left.

Secretary: *GASP*! How is this possible?!

Luba: Technology. That's how.

Secretary: Ms. Gibbs, how much did that blue tooth cost? I would love one for myself.

Luba: It was free. I stole it off some guy the other day. I grabbed him and he was all like "Jesus Peter!" Yeah bitch I know what you're thinking, I got grace.

Secretary: Oh my Ms. Gibbs, you are truly devious.

Luba: MAKING A PEACE SIGN WITH HER FINGERS, Holla!

THE SECRETARY WIPES THE SWEAT FROM HER BROW, THINKING SHE HAS FOOLED LUBA, THE TRUE PIMP, INTO FORGETTING WHAT SHE SAID....NEVER.

Luba: Oh you thought I forgot? LAUGHING TO THE SKY, You are one funny bitch! I heard what you said and I just wanted to let you know that I better not hear it again.

Secretary: IN AN INNOCENT VOICE, And what if you do happen to hear it again, Ms. Gibbs? What then?

Luba: Then you'll be A) Standing in the unemployment line, or B) Standing on the corner tomorrow night.

Secretary: Heavens to Betsy! Okay Ms. Gibbs, never shall I say such things again.

Luba: Yeah that's right, heavens to shit or whatever. Peace out.

LUBA ONCE AGAIN LEAVES THE OFFICE, GOING TO CLOSE THE DOOR ONLY TO REALIZE SHE HAS KICKED IT FROM ITS HINGES. SHRUGGING, SHE LEAVES. THE SECRETARY SIGHS WITH RELIEF AGAIN, FANNING HERSELF OFF. AFTER ANOTHER MINUTE, LUBA SPINS BACK INTO SIGHT, POINTING AT HER.

Luba: And if you even think about talking shit mentally, think again honey. This blue tooth has a frequency for me to hear thoughts too.

Secretary: Oh my!

MEANWHILE, JOHN IS WAITING OUTSIDE BY THE ENTRANCE TO LUBA'S BUILDING. HE STARES AT HIS WATCH, KNOWING THAT TIME IS PRECIOUS, EVEN THOUGH HE HAS BEEN STANDING THERE SINCE HE LEFT EARLIER IN THE DAY. THE DOOR OPENS AND ROCK MUSIC PLAYS FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE AS LUBA COMES OUT IN SLOW MOTION, WALKING AS IF SHE WAS ON A RUNWAY AT A FASHION SHOW.

John: Excuse me, Ms. Gibbs?

THE ROCK MUSIC COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT AS LUBA SPINS AROUND, A LOOK OF FEAR IN HER EYES. QUICKLY, SHE PULLS OUT A CAN OF MACE AND SPRAYS JOHN IN THE EYES BEFORE SCREAMING AND RUNNING AWAY.

Luba: AAAAAHHHH!!! Somebody is trying to sneak up on me tonight!!

John: God damn! My eyes! YELLING OUT TO LUBA AS SHE RUNS DOWN THE SIDEWALK, I just wanted to know if you made any progress on my building permit yet!!

LUBA IS LONG GONE, THE TIRES OF HER EXPENSIVE VEHICLE SCREECHING AS SHE SPEEDS OFF. JOHN CONTINUES TO RUB HIS EYES, WHEN SUDDENLY, HE HEARS LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING. HE LOOKS OVER AND SEES A YOUNG WOMAN WEARING A LARGE HAT TO CONCEAL HER FEATURES. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN AS SHE REMOVES IT TO REVEAL THAT IT IS NONE OTHER THAN AMANDA *Cue Amanda's theme from Saw III as she tosses her hair around in slow motion*.

Amanda: So, how'd it go?

John: I will most definitely test that bitch. She just maced me!

Amanda: John, no offense but we women are empowered in this day and age.

John: You don't say.

Amanda: I told you not to sneak up on her, especially at night. What's worse is that you're wearing the pig mask.

JOHN FEELS HIS FACE TO REALIZE HE IS INDEED WEARING THE PIG MASK.

John: Oh my.

Amanda:...Yeah.

John: Tomorrow, I will be back to ask about my building permit then. It will be then that Miss Luba Gibbs-

Amanda: INTERRUPTING, The One and True Pimptress?

John:...I guess? Anyways, it is then that she will be taught her lesson.

'JUST BEGUN' FROM THE SAW IV SCORE PLAYS AS THEY WALK AWAY INTO THE NIGHT HORIZON. BACK AT LUBA'S HOUSE, SHE PULLS INTO HER DRIVEWAY. LOUD MUSIC CAN BE HEARD BLASTING FROM HER CAR. IT IS THE SOULJA BOY SONG. LUBA PARKS HER CAR AND GETS OUT.

Luba: Soulja Boy up in this hoe! Watch me crank it, watch me roll! Watch me crank that Soulja Boy, then SUPERMAN THAT HOE!!!

SHE STOPS IN HER DRIVEWAY AND DOES THE DANCE, WHEN SUDDENLY THE CAMERA REVEALS ICE UNDERNEATH HER FEET. SHE TRIPS AND FALLS ON HER BACK. QUICKLY, SHE LOOKS AROUND AND GETS UP, FIXING HER HAIR AND DUSTING OFF HER CLOTHING. ONCE SHE IS CERTAIN NOBODY WITNESSED THE EVENT, SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE ICE ON THE GROUND.

Luba:...Well fuck you too.... SPITS ON IT BEFORE WALKING TO HER FRONT DOOR.


	3. The Money Chapter

LUBA GIBBS; THAT'S RIGHT, THE ONE AND ONLY, LEAVES HER FRONT DOOR AND MAKES HER WAY TO HER CAR. BEFORE GETTING IN, SHE LOOKS AT HER REFLECTION TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS JUST RIGHT. SMIRKING, SHE GETS IN AND DRIVES OFF. THE CAMERA CUTS OVER TO A TREE IN HER YARD. A FIGURE IS SEEN WITH BINOCULARS, DISGUISED IN THE LEAVES. IT IS REVEALED TO BE AMANDA AGAIN (*Cue Amanda's theme from Saw III as she tosses her hair around in slow motion*)

Amanda: John...she's on the move.

John: OVER WALKIE TALKIE, Then let stage one commence...

Amanda: TURNING HER BASEBALL CAP BACKWARDS, Holla...

MINUTES LATER, LUBA PULLS UP TO HER OFFICE BUILDING AND GETS OUT. THE CAMERA IS FOLLOWING HER WHEN SUDDENLY, SHE COMES TO A DEAD STOP. THE CAMERA MAN WALKS INTO HER BACK AND ACCIDENTALLY PUSHES HER FORWARD.

Luba: Oww, God damn!! SHE SPINS AROUND TO HIT THE CAMERA MAN WHEN HE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS. THE CAMERA ANGLE IS NOW A BIRD'S EYE VIEW, WATCHING LUBA SPIN AROUND FRANTICALLY LOOKING FOR AN ASS TO KICK. AFTER A FEW MORE MOMENTS, THE STEAM COOLS DOWN FROM LUBA'S EARS AND SHE CONTINUES TO WALK FORWARD. BEFORE SHE CAN GET INSIDE, SHE NOTICES A WOMAN STANDING ON THE CORNER AHEAD. THE CAMERA PANS AROUND TO REVEAL THAT IT IS ADDISON FROM SAW II, A RUNNER UP FOR THE TITLE OF MISTRESS PIMP, WHICH SHE LOST TO LUBA BECAUSE LUBA IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE PIMPTRESS AND YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. HER TIGHT PANTS AND LOOSE PINK SHIRT MAKE LUBA CHUCKLE. AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT A HOOKER WALKS AROUND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AROUND HERE.

Addison: APPROACHING A GROUP OF MEN PASSING BY, Two dollars and I'll show you a good time. But since you look so nice, I'll lower my rates to fifty cents.

Man Number 1: Wooo...she's really shooting for the stars.

Addison: That's fifty cents per millisecond. And yes, I only dream big. Which is exactly why I was talking to your friend and not you.

Man Number 2: OH!!! Hahahahahaaaaa!!! ADDISON THE HOOKER SMILES.

Luba: Damn that bitch is straight G'! SUDDENLY, HER PHONE RINGS. ('Surgery' from the Saw III score plays as she answers the call). LOOKING AT THE CALLER ID, LUBA CLEARS HER THROAT AND SMILES, Wassa yo?!! ADDISON AND THE MEN JERK THEIR HEADS IN LUBA'S DIRECTION.

Addison: What the hell is wrong with Waist Deep over there?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE OVER THE PHONE, Hello Luba, I want to play a game.

Luba: Okay, cool what kind of game?

Not-so Mysterious Voice: ...One that you will never want to play again after today...

Luba: Well, spit it out already, you takin' forever just to say simple shit, speak bitch!!!

Now Angry Not-so Mysterious Voice: Ahem...this game is made to test your will. Over the years, you have used your money to get whatever you want.

Luba: Duh, that's what money is for.

Pissed Voice: ...Not everybody can live like you do...so today I give you a chance...a chance to change, a chance to see life from the eyes of a-

Luba: Fuck this shit dad, you're taking too long to get to the point.

Enraged Voice: Why you!!! HIS VOICE IS CUT OFF WHEN LUBA HANGS UP THE PHONE AND GETS TO STEPPIN'.

Luba: Dad is acting really strange today. CUT TO: A SHOT OF RICHARD GIBBS TIED UP AS JIGSAW HITS REDIAL ON MR. GIBBS' CELL PHONE.

Jigsaw: PUTTING HIS HAND ON MR. GIBBS' SHOULDER, Don't cry Mr. Gibbs. You are a test subject for something much greater. DETECTIVES TAPP AND SING RUN OUT FROM BEHIND A BARREL AND AIM THEIR GUNS AT JIGSAW.

Sing: Put your fuckin' hands in the air!!

Tapp: You sick bastard!!

Jigsaw: Now I've had some strong deja vu, but didn't this scene already happen in Saw 1? TAPP AND SING DISAPPEAR AND AMANDA'S VOICE CAN BE HEARD OVER THE WALKIE TALKIE.

Amanda: Must be dementia beating your ass again, John.

Jigsaw: ...

BACK INSIDE LUBA'S OFFICE BUILDING, HER PHONE RINGS ONCE MORE. COMING OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, SHE LOOKS AT THE CALLER I.D. AND SHAKES HER HEAD BEFORE PICKING IT UP.

Luba: Dad, have you been smoking that crack again?

Jigsaw: OVER PHONE, ...No, drugs are illegal and I am against all things illegal. Killing for example, which is distasteful...to me.

Luba: Bitch, please. You wasn't talkin' about 'killing is distasteful' when you shot down that nurse at the drug clinic last year.

Jigsaw: KNOWING HIS TRUE LOVE JILL WORKS AT THIS SAME CLINIC AND COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT TOO, JOHN CLENCHES HIS FIST, SAYS WOOSA....AND THEN CONTINUES THE CONVERSATION, To make a long story short, I'm cutting off your funds for a day to see if you have what it takes to survive. Good day. HANGS UP.

Luba: Oh...my...god....STOPS IN HER TRACKS AND HER EYES TEAR UP SLIGHTLY. No...No!!! I'm about to choke a bitch!

CUT TO: LUBA'S SECRETARY IS MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS, POURING HERSELF A GLASS OF WATER WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE IS TACKLED TO THE GROUND BY LUBA. (*Cue 'Hair Puller A' from the Saw IV score as Luba attacks her secretary*)

Secretary: Ms. Gibbs?! What is wrong with you?!

Luba: Death to every bitch in sight! My father just cut off my funds for the day!! YELLING IT OUT INBETWEEN SLAMMING THE SECRETARY'S HEAD INTO THE GROUND OVER AND OVER, Can! You! Grasp! That?!

Secretary: Oh my! Ms. Gibbs! H-have mercy!!!

Luba: LAUGHING DEVIOUSLY, Nah bitch, mercy is for the weak!

AFTER BEATING HER SECRETARY TO SATISFACTION, SHE CALMS HERSELF DOWN AND GETS UP.

Luba: WIPING HER VEST OFF, I'd pay you for that therapy session, but like I said, my father cut off my money for today.

Secretary: FIXING HER WIG AND GLASSES, This job is hazardous to my health Ms. Gibbs. I don't think I can-

Luba: INTERRUPTING, You will do as I say! I still pay you! QUIETING HER VOICE AND LOOKING TO THE GROUND, Just not today...

Secretary: A SMILE BEGINNING TO FORM ON HER FACE, Does...does that mean I can take the day off?

Luba: No.

Secretary: Damn.

Luba: You're going to help me find some money. I need my morning coffee.

CUT TO: OUTSIDE, LUBA AND HER SECRETARY ARE SNEAKING AROUND THE BUILDING TOWARDS ADDISON.

Secretary: Ms. Gibbs, I don't think this is such a good idea.

Luba: Any idea I have is a good one.

Secretary: But what good could robbing a prostitute do?

Luba: One, it will get me my money. Two, it will put a bitch in check and let her know that I'm the pimpest of them all. And besides, I've been using my survival instincts for my whole life. How else do you think I became the strong, moral, educated young black woman I am today?

Secretary: We're screwed.

Luba: Okay so listen up. We're going to go over there and thug her out. We'll take her money and bounce.

Secretary: But, I've never done anything like this before. And why do we both have to go?

Luba: Every successful con artist group knows to travel in pairs. Rich Salesmen, Burger King and McDonald's, Jehovah's Witnesses, you get the idea. TAKES OUT A PEN AND PAPER AND BEGINS TO JOT DOWN A LIST OF RULES ENTITLED, 'LUBA GIBBS' GUIDE TO LIFE IN THE GHETTO: PART I'. SHE SMILES AND THEN HANDS IT TO HER SECRETARY, Consider this your new bible.

Secretary: But Ms. Gibbs, I'm an Atheist.

Luba: Then you'd better start to have faith.

Secretary: ...

Luba: Alright, let's do this thing already. On three, we'll go over there and jump her. Make sure to check her thong too, I hear hooker's keep their secret stash in there.

Secretary: Umm-

Luba: One.

Secretary: Okay.

Luba: Two.

Secretary: I can do this.

Luba: Three. Let's bounce.

LUBA AND HER SECRETARY START TO WALK TOWARDS ADDISON, WHO HAS HER BACK TURNED TO THE TWO. THE SECRETARY BEGINS TO PUFF OUT HER CHEST AND LOOK EMPOWERED AND WHEN THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO SEE LUBA, SHE IS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. CUT TO: BACK BEHIND THE BUILDING, LUBA IS LAUGHING TO HERSELF. A FLASHBACK REVEALS THE CONTENTS OF 'LUBA GIBBS' GUIDE TO LIFE IN THE GHETTO: PART I'.

Luba: Rule Number One: Always let the stupid bitch take the fall.

THE SECRETARY TAPS ADDISON ON THE SHOULDER AND TRIES TO ACT TOUGH LIKE LUBA.

Secretary: Y-yo yo what is good you trampy chick? You look a hot mess son. LOOKS OVER TO LUBA, BUT LUBA IS NOT THERE. Oh no...

SOUNDS OF A BRUTAL FIGHT CAN BE HEARD AND LUBA IS SHIELDING HER EYES. SHE CAN NO LONGER WATCH. MINUTES LATER, ADDISON IS DUSTING OFF HER HANDS AND WALKING AWAY. ONCE ADDISON IS GONE, LUBA APPEARS AND WATCHES ANXIOUSLY AS HER SECRETARY APPROACHES, HER CLOTHING TORN AND HER GLASSES BROKEN.

Luba: Well, did you mug that bitch's cash?

Secretary: ...No. As a matter of fact, she mugged me of my money instead.

Luba: You had money on you this whole time?! Damn! Go back upstairs and file some paperwork or something. Now I'm going to have to go a whole day without my morning coffee, AGAIN.

Secretary: NEAR SPEECHLESS, Yes Ms. Gibbs. I will go file some paperwork right away.

THE SECRETARY GOES BACK INSIDE, STUMBLING WHILE A SHADOWY FIGURE APPEARS BEHIND LUBA IN THE ALLEYWAY.

Luba: If I didn't know any better, I'd say somebody was out to get me today or something. WALKS AWAY JUST IN TIME TO AVOID JIGSAW LUNGING AT HER. INSTEAD, HE FALLS FORWARD FLAT ON HIS FACE, GROANING IN PAIN AS HE WATCHES LUBA STRUT AWAY. AMANDA APPEARS BEHIND HIM IN THE ALLEYWAY AND LOOKS DOWN AT JOHN AS HE REMOVES HIS PIG MASK AND YELLS IN FRUSTRATION.

John: I had my heart set on testing her today!

Amanda: Must you test somebody every day? How about a game of chess, ever try that?

John: I must make people appreciate their lives Amanda, you know that!

Amanda: Well then what about that woman over there? THE CAMERA PANS DOWN THE BLOCK TO REVEAL ADDISON TRYING TO GET HERSELF SOME MORE CUSTOMERS.

John: Well, I suppose she'll have to do...

CUT TO: ADDISON IN HER RAZOR BOX TRAP SCENE IN SAW II.

Addison: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

CUT BACK TO: AMANDA HELPING JOHN BACK UP TO HIS FEET AS HE STARES DOWN LUBA'S OFFICE BUILDING.

John: I will get you Luba Gibbs.

BACK INSIDE, LUBA RECEIVES ANOTHER PHONE CALL, THIS TIME FROM HER REAL FATHER.

Mr. Gibbs: Luba! You won't believe what happened to me today!!

Luba: I can't play any mores games with you today dad, I'm busy filing. HANGS UP. THE CAMERA SHOT THEN PANS OUT TO REVEAL THAT SHE IS NOT ACTUALLY FILING ANY PAPERWORK, BUT SHE IS FILING HER NAILS INSTEAD., I can't wait till they build that new nail salon. I'm going to-

Secretary: INTERRUPTING, Ms. Gibbs, I am finished with my work for the morning. May I go home now?

Luba: Yeah whatever, raise up. You might wanna fix yourself up a bit before you come in tomorrow morning, you look busted.

Secretary: WALKING AWAY, Yes Ms. Gibbs.

Luba: And don't forget my morning coffee tomorrow!!!

Secretary:.......yes Ms. Gibbs. THE SECRETARY LEAVES AND LUBA LOGS ONTO HER MYSPACE PAGE, LOOKING TO FIND ADDISON AND ADD HER TO HER TOP FRIENDS PAGE.


	4. The Showdown of the Pimps Chapter

LUBA GIBBS, THE ONE AND TRUE PIMPTRESS....HAS RETURNED...

Luba: I'm so glad I finally got my money back. That shit was not cute how I had to fend for myself. PICKING UP HER JACKET, LUBA GETS UP TO LEAVE AFTER ANOTHER DAY OF WORK. ONCE SHE LOCKS HER OFFICE DOOR, SHE APPROACHES HER SECRETARY WHO IS STILL NURSING HER WOUNDS FROM THE PREVIOUS DAY.

Secretary: Are you leaving already Ms. Gibbs?

Luba: You best believe.

Secretary: Well...tomorrow I will have your morning coffee on time, I swear to god.

Luba: I thought you said you was an Atheist?

Secretary: Believe me, after spending time with you, it's best to have someone to pray to at the end of the day.

Luba: STOPPING IN HER TRACKS, What'chu say?!

Secretary: STUTTERING WITH FEAR, I-I mean! I just meant that...may god bless you sweetheart.

Luba: NARROWING HER EYES, hmmmm....bitch, I been blessed since the day I was born.

Secretary: But of course! I mean, who else can do it like you can Ms. Gibbs?

Luba: SMILING, TOSSING HER WEAVE OVER HER SHOULDER, Not a damn soul on the face of this Earth, beyotch, that's who.

Secretary: LAUGHING EXAGGERATEDLY, Oh my! Hahaha, Ms. Gibbs you are too much for my aged heart to handle!

Luba: Then get a pacemaker.

Secretary: I'm not that old...

Luba: Could've fooled me! Peace out.

LUBA GIBBS PIMP-STEPS OUT OF THE OFFICE, HUMMING MELODIES TO HERSELF AS SHE APPROACHES THE ELEVATOR. SUDDENLY, SHE BUMPS INTO SOMEBODY. A MAN. HE IMMEDIATELY WITHDRAWS INTO THE SHADOWS, BITING HIS NAILS AND LOOKING JITTERY.

Luba:...

Jittery Man: ...W-why did you do that...?

Luba: ...Take a step back, G'. You're the one who walked into me, let's not get it twisted.

Jittery Man: You're responsible.......

Luba: What are you, a pot head or something? Tie your shoe laces, because you straight trippin'. TURNING AROUND AND GOING FOR THE STAIRCASE INSTEAD.

Jittery Man: How the fuck did you-how the fuck did you know that?!

Luba: Bye bye!

Jittery Man: ANswer MEEEeeeeee!!!!

Luba: DUCKING INTO THE STAIRWAY, I keep bumping into all these characters lately...

MEANWHILE, BACK IN LUBA'S OFFICE, TWO SHADOWY FIGURES DESCEND UPON HER SECRETARY...

Shadow #1: Do you want justice....?

Shadow #2: True...justice?

Secretary: W-who are you?! What do you want with me?!

THE TWO SHADOWS STEP FORWARD AS 'LET GO' FROM THE SAW IV SCORE BEGINS TO PLAY. THE CAMERA GOES INTO SLO-MO AS IT REVEALS JOHN AND AMANDA SMIRKING AT THE SECRETARY.

John: Do you want to see Ms. Gibbs get what she deserves?

Amanda: Would you like to see her mauled to death??

John: LOOKING AT AMANDA WITH A DISTURBED LOOK ON HIS FACE, That's only if she fails her test.

Amanda: Oh...yeah.

John: I hope you haven't been rigging my traps again...have you?

Amanda: N-no way, hahaha! I learned my lesson back in Saw III!

John: Good...very go-...wait a minute...how are we still alive right now?

Amanda: ...Just shut up and have some imagination okay?

John: What is wrong with the women of today?

Secretary: ...yes...

John: TURNING TO HER, Pardon me?

Secretary: ADJUSTING HER GLASSES, Hell yes...I want to see her get her just reward....what do I have to do?

Amanda: *Sigh* So much for the no-more apprentices rule.

John: You will help us set Ms. Gibbs up....then she will have a chance to redeem herself...if she fails...

Secretary: Death...

Amanda: Yes!!! I mean...only if she fails of course.

Secretary: 'LET GO' FROM THE SAW IV SCORE COMES TO A CONCLUSION, I'm in...

CUT TO: LUBA EXITS THE BUILDING AND SEES A WOMAN ACROSS THE STREET. THE TALL, WHITE WOMAN IS LEANING INTO THE DRIVER'S SIDE OF A MAN'S CAR.

Woman: I can get you a good deal on some hot girls.

Man: All I want is you, baby. LUBA LAUGHS TO HERSELF AND BEGINS TO WALK AWAY TOWARDS HER OWN CAR.

Woman: GIGGLING TO HERSELF, Sorry babe, I'm the one and only pimptress. I'm not available.

Luba: PAUSES IN HER STEPS AND SLOWLY TURNS AROUND, Aw hell nah... 'THE TOOL' FROM THE SAW IV SCORE BEGINS TO PLAY.

Woman: I got a whole bunch of girls...they would love to meet you. So c'mon, whadya say? Help a pimptress out?

Luba: NAH BITCH!

Woman: ENRAGED, TURNS AROUND, Who the hell do you think you are?!

Luba: I'm Luba Gibbs, Mistress Pimp Extrordinare! The One and Only and True Pimptress!! You, my friend, are just a supporting character.

Woman: LAUGHING TO HERSELF, SHE REMOVES HER SUNGLASSES. They call me Brenda...and I'M the true Pimptress.

THE TWO LOCK EYES AND STARE EACH OTHER DOWN.

Luba: This can only mean one thing....

Brenda: This has to be settled...

Luba: By the sacred ritual...

Brenda: No...

Luba: Yes, bitch, yes...

Brenda: The showdown..

Luba: ...of the pimps...

SUDDENLY, THE TWO BREAK OUT INTO THE STREETS, STOPPING EVERY CAR IN SIGHT. THEY BEGIN TO PIMP VARIOUS MEN AND WOMEN TO RANDOM STRANGERS. MEANWHILE, JOHN AND AMANDA OBSERVE THE EPIC EVENT FROM AFAR.

John: Pitiful...such illegal activity in plain sight.

Amanda: IMPRESSED, SHE TAKES OUT A PAPER AND BEGINS TO TALLY THE RESULTS BETWEEN BRENDA AND LUBA. Damn, they are both good at what they do.

John: What was that?

Amanda: Nothing.

CUT TO: LUBA RUNS OUT OF PROSTITUTES AND HOOKERS TO PIMP. SHE CAN ONLY DO ONE THING...RESUPPLY HER RESOURCES...

Luba: POINTING TO A RANDOM BUSINESS WOMAN, Hey you! Get your ass over here and help serve a greater cause!

Business Woman: A greater cause? What do you mean?! I work for the Marshford Group and I build condos in one of the most densely populated cities in the country!

Luba: Yeah whatever, you ain't got shit bitch! THROWS THE WOMAN INTO THE BACKSEAT OF A MAN'S TRUCK.

MEANWHILE, BRENDA IS PANICKING. ALL OF HER CUSTOMERS BEGIN TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO LUBA.

Luba: Five dollars, make you holler!! SHE TOSSES A RANDOM PERSON INTO THE PASSENGER SEAT OF ANOTHER MAN'S CAR. BEFORE LONG, THE STREETS ARE CLEARED AND ONLY JOHN, AMANDA, LUBA, AND BRENDA REMAIN IN SIGHT. SUDDENLY, LUBA GRABS JOHN AND DRAGS HIM OVER TO ANOTHER CAR.

John: What are you doing?!

Luba: Shut yo mouth!

Amanda: Have fun John, I'm out of here! DISAPPEARS.

LUBA APPROACHES THE CAR AND THE MAN LOWERS HIS WINDOW. HE LOOKS DISTRAUGHT AND IS ABOUT TO CUT HIMSELF WITH A BROKEN BEER BOTTLE.

Luba: Hey sweetie, you look like you could use a good time.

Man: ...Go away! What would you know about a good time?!

Luba: GRABS THE MAN'S TONGUE AND PULLS HIM CLOSER TO HER FACE. The fuck did you say?! You clearly don't know how I roll. I'm Luba Gibbs, LOOKS TO BRENDA, Mistress Pimp Extrordinare, the One and True Pimp. And the Only. LOOKS BACK TO THE MAN, I know how to have a good time.

Man: AFRAID OF HER, C-can I have my tongue back now?

Luba: Of course you can sweetie. Now, here's somebody that will show you a good time. But since you look so upset, you can have him for free tonight.

John: What the fuck?!!

Man: Gee, thanks..Luba Gibbs huh? You are a True Pimp.

Luba: SMILING, What it is...

John: Wait a minute, can we discuss this first before- LUBA TOSSES HIM INTO THE MAN'S CAR.

Luba: Bye now! THE MAN DRIVES OFF, JOHN SCREAMING IN THE BACK SEAT, HIS FACE PRESSED UP AGAINST THE REAR WINDOW AS IF TRYING TO ESCAPE.

Brenda: This can't be...

Luba: Oh, it be. And don't you worry honey, my job ain't done yet.

Brenda: What?

Luba: Ohh IIIIIIvvvaaaaaannnn.....

IVAN APPEARS OUT OF THE ALLEY WITH HIS PET DOG, CHANCE.

Ivan: You summoned me, Ms. Gibbs?

Luba: You damn right I did. GRABS BRENDA. This here, is Brenda. She's very nice and she would lovveeee to go on a date with you!

Brenda: Oh my god...mercy...

Luba: Mercy is for the weak. THROWS BRENDA AT IVAN, WHO TUCKS BRENDA UNDER HIS ARM AND RUNS AWAY, HIS PET DOG CHASING AFTER HIM BARKING LOUDLY.

Brenda: Nooooooooo!!!!! HER VOICE THEN FADES OUT.

Luba: GRINNING AND LAUGHING QUIETLY, I told you Brenda...I'm the one and true pimptress. Ain't nobody ever gonna do it like me. JUST THEN, A NEWSPAPER BLOWS ACROSS THE GROUND AND HITS HER LEG. ANGRILY, SHE LOOKS DOWN AT IT. You want some of this too?! IN FEAR, THE NEWSPAPER FLIES AWAY, KNOWING THAT IT CANNOT COMPETE WITH HER, FOR SHE IS THAT SHIT THAT YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE.

OFF IN THE DISTANCE, AMANDA FINISHES HER TALLY SCORE.

Amanda: I could learn a thing or two from her. A FEW MINUTES LATER, JOHN STUMBLES UP NEXT TO HER. HIS CLOTHES ARE TORN AND HIS FACE IS CRUSTED WITH DRY TEARS.

John: Tomorrow, Luba Gibbs DIES!!!


End file.
